Not reccommended for window boxes.

I dont suppose you'll remember this, but some time ago, I mentioned a plant called dranunculus vulgaris. well I bought one, (actually I bought three, two for me and one for my son's teacher*). Here's a picture of one of them:
In front of my house is a bench, I didn't put it there, the council did, I didn't ask for it, but It is somehow considered my civic duty to clean the path in front of my house. So when old people sit on the bench to smoke a cigarette and cough up the last remaining bits of their brown lungs on the floor next to the bench, and youngsters sit on the back of the bench with their three million quid trainers on the seat, squalking like banshees late into the night, because someone is pathetic enough to own a mobile phone that isn't worth getting stabbed over, Then it is my job to clean up the cigarette ends, and drink cans and sweet-wrappers.
What do these two facts have to do with each other you ask? ha ha! I'll tell you. despite dranunculus vulgaris being what I consider to be striking to look at, it's not very popular amongst gardeners, because when it flowers, it smells like rotting flesh. It absofuckinglutely stinks! unlike other flowers that rely on bees and wasps to pollinate, dranunculus vulgaris relies on flies. Here's a picture of the other one in my garden, avec flies (click to enlarge).
Less than two feet from this one is the afore mentioned bench, and guess what? nobody wants to linger at that bench any more. If you were about to feint you might sit on it, but that's as a far as it goes. From inside my garden I have heard people talking about the smell, the one said "what the fuck is that rancid stench?", and the other said "must be dead cat or something, shall we smoke while we walk?" and with that, their voices faded away into the distance. It is my new favourite plant. just sayin'.
*my son has three more days in junior school, during which his teacher can say something. after that as far as I am concerned, the statute of limmitaions applies, right?

HOME (double click the picture)

spider man

Man tries to pay bill with spider drawing,
Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.







From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached




From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.





From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

FOR sale; one tooth. 1€ lack of immediate cash forces sale. tomorrow morning too late, no offers,
contact bull dog,but do it now!

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